We have a name. No baby-but a name:)

Sam and I chose a name for our future son quite some time ago.  There wasn't a list or any baby books this time.  We just kind of felt like this was it.  So we have a name, but no baby.  Sometimes this feels like we're planning a pretend pregnancy.  None the less we are daily praying for Isaiah and ask you to do the same when/if you think of him.

We pray for his safety and that his mother will stay far away from drugs, cigarettes, and alcohol and God will protect her from STDs and other diseases.  We pray that she will not abort him.  We pray that God will guide her to us.  We pray that she will be cared for and come to know Christ's love for her.  We beg God for Isaiah's wellbeing- that any mental illness or disease will not be passed on to him and that while in the womb God will heal any deformities or problems.  We pray that God will prepare our children's hearts for a new brother (especially Liam who might be jealous) and that Isaiah would be a world changer (I pray this for all my kids).  I pray for a special brotherly bond between Liam and Isaiah that together they would be men that would do great things for God and humanity.

40th Anniversary of Roe V. Wade

Yesterday marked the 40th anniversary of the Supreme Court decision allowing abortion to be legalized.  I don't judge women who have had an abortion.  That's not my place at all.  I do hurt for them though.  Seven years ago when I was still working in video I was hired to produce a piece about abortion.  I recorded the accounts of four or five different women and their stories of having an abortion(s) and the pain it caused them both physically and emotionally.

If we are going to support a woman's choice to abort or not then I think it is only compassionate to try to understand the pain they will suffer alone for their whole life because of the decision.  It's not a quick fix.  It has huge long term consequences.  Of course letting a child live and choosing adoption or to raise the baby is a long term choice too.  In fact Jane Roe, the central figure in the notorious ruling, never actually had an abortion.  She gave birth to the child and gave it up for adoption.  Now she passionately defends unborn/pre-born life and is fighting to overturn the decision that bears her name.

As I was thinking about the issue of abortion these last few days there were times when my breath was taken away and I had to fight hard to keep the tears back.  What if...the mother that is carrying my son chooses to abort him?  I want him.  I want him so badly.  I believe that he is supposed to be part of our family and God made him for us.  Do you know what it's like to have someone have the "right" to kill your child?  I would a million times rather her choose to keep him and me live with out him knowing he is alive than her kill him.  This is messed up stuff.

There are only four main differences between a newborn baby and a baby/fetus inside the womb:

Size:
  Ok, I get that when they start out that they are microscopic.  So.... Does this mean that those who are larger get to rule over those who are smaller?  Are NBA framed men more human than petite women?  What about the disfigured and those without limbs?  Are they not wholly human?  Are they just a blob of cells too?  Who gave us the right to decide what a human looks like?  The DNA is there....

Level of Development:
   Do fetuses feel pain?  Can they think?  I don't know?  Do you?  Do you remember being a fetus?  Or a newborn?  Or a one year old?  If we judge life by the level of development then once again we are judging the already born by their ability and development.  There are people that have diseases where they can't feel pain. There are plenty of people with major brain abnormalities and retardation.  What about my four year old daughter, is she less of a human because she is not fully developed as a woman yet?  Here's one more, someone in a coma- they can't feel pain, aren't self aware and aren't thinking-do the families have the right to kill them (and I'm not talking taking someone off of a vent)?

Environment:
   The argument exists that if a fetus can not survive outside of the womb then it is not viable-err not a human.  Why again are we making these silly rules up?  Fetuses are still breathing and using their lungs.  They are still interacting with their mothers.  What is it about the way an unborn child breathes and where it grows that devalues it's existence?  Are astronauts in outer space not human?  They can't survive in space outside their specialized gear.  Could it be that just like the engineers who invented and designed the gear that allows them to survive in a place other than our normal habitat that there is a Heavenly designer that designed a system and protection for unborn children to grow and live safely in a place other than OUR normal habitat?

Degree of Dependency:
   Once again there is an argument that an unborn fetus could not survive outside the mother's womb so it must not be "viable" or worthy of life.  Of course the fetus is dependent on the mother and could not survive without her.  An infant couldn't either.  Or how about this, a friend who works at a hospital told me today about a man that had been doing therapy at the hospital: he is homeless, has no family, no friends, diabetes, one leg is amputated, he has no job, no money, he is an illegal alien.... forget being dependent on one person he is dependent on everyone and yet no one claims him.  What happens to him when the  hospital can't let him stay there any more.  What happens when his diabetes claims another limb and he can't get insulin?  Should someone kill him now because of the inevitable?


I know you may not agree with me and your desire to support a woman's rights may trump all, but please consider: first, the life long pain these woman will carry from their choice, second, the innocent lives being snuffed out because they weren't big enough, smart enough, and functional enough for societies taste, and lastly, women like me:  women who want these children and believe it is in God's plan for them to adopt.  You may think it's ok for them to kill their babies but please- realize that it might be my baby that they're killing.

The Holy Grail of Adoption Grants List

Today we mailed off the last of the adoption grant applications.  I believe I applied for eight all together.  The grants range from $500-$4,000 or more accurately $0-$4,000.  Each grant took me 2-4 hours to apply for.  They required: scans from the last two years of tax returns, paycheck stubs, biographies, total financial breakdown and budget, lots of personal questions, pastor's letter of reference, two letters of reference from friends or co-workers, general family info, info about your adoption, proof of your agencies non-profit status, recommendations from our agency.  It was way worse than a college application.  I have ZERO idea if we will receive even one grant.  I feel like we have a ton of stuff against us as far as what they would be looking for.  Our situation is weird and comes less than desireable on an application:

-We already have 3 children.  I think makes us probably less deserving of a grant.

- I work.  Even though I work at night and during the 1-2 hours my kids sleep during the day on a piece of paper it still says I work and I think grant people prefer a stay at home non working mom.

- Our net worth is -$100,00  that's NEGATIVE... our house is so under water because of the market crash that we probably look like the most irresponsible people even though we otherwise have no debt. Who would want to give an interest free loan or grant to that?

- Our pay check stubs we had to send in are from December- one of our most lucrative months between Sam's 3 days of holiday pay and the photography season.  However Jan-March are our slowest months and we probably won't even get a business paycheck this month.  I wish we could explain that.

- We've spent all of our savings on Sam's nursing education (and medical bills from Liam's birth-$15,000 out of pocket even though we had insurance),  he's on his second nursing degree now.  We've been responsible but have nothing to show for it.

-We live in Southwest Florida, with an above average cost of living.  I'm sure our income could buy a steak dinner once a week in Iowa but down here Chick Fil-A is a budget stretcher.  Will the application people take that into consideration? I doubt it.

Sometimes I feel so defeated.  I feel like we try to do everything right but we get stuck in the middle.  It sometimes feels like we would get further ahead if we just stopped working so hard and took advantage of the system.  If I just stopped working would we be taken pity on?  Would I seem more virtuous and mommy like?  Would we get financial scholarships for Sam's school? Would people invite us over to dinner or offer free babysitting?  Sometimes I just want to quit... or at least be heard and seen for who we really are.

Alas, I was so in the depths of despair for a moment that I almost forgot to link to this holy grail of adoption grants list!  This list is amazing.  I spent hours researching grants and loans and couldn't believe how many more were out there once I saw this list.  Thank you so much to Kelley for telling me about this list.  I hope it helps someone else.  http://www.scribd.com/doc/98055414/AdoptionJourney-org-Financial-Resources-List-2012

Adoption Tax Credit Update

A little update on the adoption tax credit.  Although the previous tax credit for adoption expired the new tax credit bill was passed as part of the brand new fiscal package.  Yay!  Kind of...

The old credit was refundable, meaning that if you spent $25,000 on your adoption you could receive the full tax credit back which was around $13,000.  This was amazing considering it would pay for almost half of most adoptions.  Unfortunately the new tax credit that was passed is non-refundable which means that although there still is a large maximum credit (around $10,000) allowed you only are credited the amount you are liable for.  This means that those making the big bucks will receive a larger amount and perhaps even the maximum amount back at the end of the year while those making small fries; with little or no tax liability, will receive little or no refund.

Boo...Blah...Bluh.  I understand the necessity of why they are doing this.  Our government is in deep fiscal mire and to pay out monies not owed from the budget would be unwise.  It just feels like one of those rich getting richer/poor getting poorer deals.  From what I understand the good news seems to be that you can spread your tax liability for the credit out over several years so over time there will be help but for those paying off a personal loan they took out for the adoption the lump sum would have been a real blessing.  C'est la Vie.  In the end I guess I just wouldn't have ever known about the previous awesome credit that just ended.  I hope I don't sound greedy.  I honestly hate that money is even an issue, but it is so I think it's worth discussing.

For those of you who wants some straight facts here's a great FAQ on the topic:  

I started a journal

As God was calling us to adopt I felt so close to him.  Things seemed so clear.  I felt so much direction.  I think He needed to be so clear and specific with me in order to kick me in the butt and change my heart.  As God was revealing things to me and calling me to adoption I understood better about how Bible says about Jesus' birth that  "Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart."  Now believe me, I'm not likening myself to Mary- no way.  I just like the way the verse phrases it and I felt like I was supposed to treasure up all that was happening so that when I later looked back their could be no forgetting all that God had done and how much He had worked in my heart.

So, I started a journal.  I decided to write a journal of all that was going on in my mind and heart and address it to our future son.  I want him to know, when he is a teenager and questioning his identity and place in this world (as all teenagers do anyway) that there is no mistaking my love for him and how much I want him and how real God's plan for his life is. 

Since I've started this blog I admit I haven't been great about journaling also, but I'm calling myself out and after I finish them I'm going to go and write in it.  I plan on also someday publishing this blog into a book for him- I think- I don't want him to feel like a project or a cause- because he is not- he is just the catalyst that changed my heart and opened my eyes to God's call to take care of the orphan.  That already has added much meaning to my life.

Jason & Kelley's Adoption Story- so far

My wonderful mother in-law and father in-law were visiting and told me they knew a couple in their circles who had a similar call to adoption story.  He sent me their story and Kelley and Jason agreed to let me share what God was doing in their adoption story.  Of course- it's amazing:

FROM JASON:

1. In April 2009 God showed Kelley a little Indian girl in a dream who was around age seven or eight. The little girl had short black hair and had a little blonde-headed boy sitting in her lap. We had been committed to adopting for some time at this point but never thought it would be an older child. Now having seen pictures/video of our daughter, she looks very much like the girl in Kelley's dream in April 2009. Also, most of you know that we now have a little blonde-haired boy, born approximately one year after this dream. :)

2. In May 2011 the reality of adopting from India was still years away for two reasons: Jason's age didn't meet the minimum requirement by India and our housing situation did not have an extra bedroom (which was a requirement for approval considering we had a son). Kelley heard the Lord tell her to wait three more months though all signs pointed toward the wait being much longer than that. Three months later in August 2011 we were informed that India had just announced a new adoption system including a new age requirement of 25 (reduced from 30) for adoptive parents. Jason was 27 so instead of a three year additional wait we were instantly within the approved age range. Additionally, we now know that during those three months of waiting in 2011 our daughter was found abandoned and brought to our orphanage. Finally, our adoption agency re-opened their India program following India's adoption system overhaul.

3. As we mentioned, without three bedrooms an adoption of a little girl would be impossible. Our apartment at that time only had two. Over several months following August 2011 God  opened doors for the RD position in the campus apartments to be full-time and for our family to switch roles with the apartment RD...providing three bedrooms!  

4. In March 2012 we both felt confirmation that it was time to begin the adoption of our daughter. We were still yet to move to our new apartment until May 2012 so this would allow the initial application and paperwork time to begin processing with our adoption agency while we waited to move. On March 23rd, Kelley's birthday, we submitted the official application. Now we know that it was also in March 2012 that paperwork was officially completed in India declaring our daughter legally free for adoption.

5. On May 7th, 2011 Kelley wrote in her journal that an Indian adoption seemed virtually impossible but that she knew that God could make the impossible possible (Luke 1:37). One year later, almost to the day, while on a train leaving Kolkata, India Kelley received a random Indian newspaper with the front page article outlining all of India's adoption changes and declaring that adoption would be getting easier and quicker. Literally, the front page said, "Adopting a child in India to get easier, quicker." With God, all things are possible. And we have that newspaper article framed in our bedroom :)

6. On Oct. 22, 2012 we got the referral for our daughter. We already knew that our friends from Easley, SC had spent last summer at the very orphanage our daughter was from. Of the hundreds of orphanages in India what are the chances?! Now, knowing our daughters identity and through comparing pictures and details we realized our friends had met her the last week they were there and had actually taken a picture with her! On Oct. 25, 2012, Jason's birthday, the final reports arrived allowing us to accept her referral. She was a little 7 year old girl who would turn 8 the following week (remember the dream in #1 above?!).

7. Last week we received a 17 minute video of a little short-haired, brown-eyed, eight-year-old girl - the little girl Kelley saw in her dream almost four years ago.

8. For the sake of anonymity we won't give all the specific details here, but in less than six weeks we went from not having even half of the $8,000 due to complete this adoption referral acceptance to more than enough. Enough to cover the first plane ticket to India for when we travel to pick her up! We've been so encouraged and spurred on in faith by the sacrificial generosity of so many friends and family, as well as many additional odd jobs for Jason. We anticipate hearing in January from a grant we applied for that would add $3,000 toward our upcoming trip! We'll keep you up to date on the status of that after we hear.

We are in AWE of the Lord. He is faithful. Truthful. He is kind and generous.

Please continue to pray for the necessary court dates in India. For those who are local to Central and are interested in seeing the video just let us know! We are able to show it in person just not online.