Referral Service

After much praying and Google searching we have come up with a plan B.  It is common for adoptive families to switch agencies or go with several agencies to increase their chances of being matched more quickly.  However Sam and I have wanted to be very careful with our resources.  I called one agency to inquire and they wanted $16,000 just to sign on with them- Pass! 

What I came upon after a million hours of research is that there are a few non-agencies called referral services that are basically a husband and wife or adoptive mom that has formed close relationships with adoption agencies and attorneys and when the agencies can't find a match from within their client list they tell these referral services about the situations that still need adoptive families.  They then pass on these situations to people like me.

Basically instead of being exposed to situations that one agency is aware of we theoretically should be dealing with situations from 10-30 agencies and lawyers.  In case you are wondering we have not heard from our agency since December.  I don't think they are being negligent, I just don't think there has been any situations they think would be right for us or they have shown birth-mothers our profile and they said no way. 

Besides having access to a wider amount of resources and areas the best thing about these referral services is that the upfront commitment to start being exposed to any situations is so small.  Basically how it works is this:

- You fill out a basic application, send your completed home study write up, and send your "Dear Birth-mother" profile.
- Referral Service charges $100 to put you in their database and start trying to match you.
- As the referral service is presented with situations that fit what you have said you are open to (Gender, race, handicaps, age...) they send you an email with the details of the situation.  The email might say something like: "Caucasian baby girl due 5/19/13.  No known use of drugs.  Mother reports mild use of alcohol early in pregnancy.  Mother requests photos, letters, and once a year visits after placement.  Expected budget $30,000."
- If they send us a situation that we are interested in we can then reply and say that we would like our profile shown to the mother.
- The referral service would then overnight our profile to the mother.
-If she said yes to us then we would have to enter into an agreement with the lawyer or agency that was representing her.
- At this time we would also pay the referral service an additional $1,400 for successfully matching us.
- If the placement fell through because the mother changed her mind the referral service would continue to try to match us without charging any additional fees.  However, depending on the agency we could loose any money we had to pay them or be bound to use them for the next match attempt.

It will be interesting to see how this works and how long it takes for us to even be presented with any situations.  It will also be very very interesting to see which of these avenues end up leading us to Isaiah.  We are going to sign up with the three services that I have ready incredibly positive things about.  The great thing is that if they don't match us we don't pay so it really doesn't hurt to sign up with a few.  I would honestly love for our main agency to be the one that matches us because I really like them and we wouldn't have to travel out of state but... we will see.

All Churned Up Inside

Lately I've been feeling all churned up inside about the adoption.  I was feeling at total peace with everything and then.... eeehhhh not so much.  I don't have a bad feeling about it- not one bit.  I LOVE our agency but I'm starting to wonder if it was supposed to be more of a place holder to keep us getting matched before we should.

When I signed on with our agency I did so knowing that they only completed 20 adoptions a year AND that the vast majority were Caucasian adoptions due the agencies location AND that as another agency so kindly put it- not an attractive family for an African American expectant mom to choose.  I chose to go with them anyway because it felt right and to not do so felt very wrong.

So now I have this new feeling that something is going to happen or needs to happen or change.  I can't put my finger on it.  Maybe it's because of the craziness of last week.  Maybe I'm just impatient.  Regardless I've logged quite a few hours on the 'ole intranet researching different agencies and avenues.  Sam feels it would be ok for us to have a plan B we could pursue starting next week but he doesn't want to have a Plan C or D.

With domestic adoption it is not uncommon to cast your net wider by signing with several agencies or avenues.  I did not know this until recently.  To just sign up with another agency would be pretty expensive and risky so unless we find the perfect situation or feel led we probably won't just pick another agency.  I did through the research find two interesting options:

1. Referral Services- I found three different referral services with good reputations.  How these work is that families that have already gotten their homestudy can sign up with a referral service for a very small fee ($100).  The referral services have contacts with attorneys and agencies and so when the agencies and attorneys can't find a home for one the soon to be born babies among their pool of waiting families they then tell the referral service who shares he situations with people that have signed up.  I had no idea this existed and think it sounds very promising as there is such a low up front commitment.  If you're not matched you only lose $100, whereas some agencies ask for as much as $16,000 just to sign on with them!  No way....

2. An adoption lawyer.  The adoption lawyer that I have spoken to is so nice and highly regarded by those who use her but the down side is that you have to pay their hourly fee and so if the adoption ends up falling through you are out all the money you paid them and have to start from zero.  The people I know that used this lawyer swear by the process but it still scares me a bit.

So.... I've written three referral services explaining our situation and asking if they think we would be a  good match and I've also emailed about 5 other agencies that are known for African American adoptions to introduce ourselves and kind of say "Hey, if you can't match one of your situations using the pool of waiting families you have please remember us:)" 

Who knows how this will all turn out.  The deeper I get into this the more confused I get.  Please pray for clarity and direction for Sam and I and that God's will be done. 

BOOM

Oh MY!!!! What a week!  For those of you who don't know last week we noticed that over three thousand dollars was missing from our bank account.  I had just paid the bills- minus the mortgage and everything was waiting to come out and then BOOM our account drops to $200.  Two huge purchases were made online.  The next day we notice that all of our emails from one of our email accounts were being forwarded to someone else and in the trash their receipts for three purchases totally over five thousand dollars.

Things continued to get worse as all of our email accounts were somehow hacked into.  I am now getting fake emails from all of my good friends and they even set up a fake email address using Sam's dad's name.... They changed the address in our Amazon account, the fraud alert number in our PayPal account, got into our laptop and phone via our icloud account.... Between a wedding day, Sam's  schedule, and church we couldn't keep up. 

I do have to say that I am proud of ourselves.  Our twenty something butts would have been playing the "Why me?"  "This is so unfair." card 'till the cows went home.  At a much more weathered 30-something I viewed the situation differently- this is life- this is how it goes... if it's not a stolen identity it's a moldy broken freezer (next on my list to deal with), a van door that falls off on to you when you open it (still need to fix that too), or some other obnoxious or devastating trial.  Life is not fair, it's hard!  I was proud that we held it together but SUPER ticked off that our time was stolen from us.

Did I mention this all happened on the day our studio manager of three years had her last day of work with us?  Ok, maybe I want a little sympathy for that bad timing- she was like my second brain, arms, hands.....

I must admit that this type of thing can make a trusting open person turn super duper paranoid quickly.  I have been afraid to post anything on this blog or FB since.  I know this might seem too "spiritual" for some but I feel like this whole ordeal was a spiritual attack.  Just when we had almost raised all the money we needed for the adoption and received the last matching grant- BAM our money gets stolen and everything flips upside down- not to mention it has made me question being so vulnerable in such a exposed arena.

We are now on the mend- there is still a lot to do/un-do but we are trying not to obsess and freak out.  Above all I am SO thankful that my identity can never truly be stolen.  My identity is found only in Jesus Christ.  I am a follower of Christ and a child of God.  That can never be stolen from me.

****I want to assure those who have given or plan on giving that none of the money donated was touched and that all donations are now being sent through Lifesong for Orphans anyway. 
P.S.  Change your passwords!!!!  Lock your wifi!!!!!!  Never work at Starbucks on a laptop!!!!!

Matching Grant- Lifesong for Orphans- Brockinton #3462 adoption

I have to say I'm starting to think our baby boy is coming to us soon.  I'm so blown away by what God is doing all at once.  I got a call an hour ago from Lifesong for Orphans saying they are offering us a $2,500 matching grant.  You are all probably wondering "What's with the matching donations?"

Believe me, I wish these are just outright donations or grants.  We are not allowed to give towards them ourselves.  This increases the incredibly uncomfortable feeling of talking about money.  From what I am told they structure the gifts this way because it allows the process of adoption and God providing to be more public and invites others into your journey.  It makes sense but the last thing I want to do is become that person that makes everyone feel uncomfortable so then gets blocked from Facebook (ooohh...I just gave some of you a good idea:).

So...so that you know it's legit and in case you just dug up a treasure chest of money or found $20 in your laundry or want to give here's what Lifesong sent about the grant.  And here's a donate button from them that goes straight to our designated fund that they hold onto and then pay the adoption agency.  Our family number is #3462

Putting myself out there

This blog has been such an incredible blessing.  It has also been difficult to be so exposed and vulnerable.  I often feel alone and misunderstood because I feel everyone else has it together and I'm just holding it all together with bandaids and stickers.  I want to write about our adoption journey for two main reasons:

1. I want others to feel less alone and less afraid.  Adoption is a scary word to most people and if you tip your toe into it you'll find it is a vast ocean that can quickly make you feel scared and unprepared.  I want you to be able to see where every dollar came from and we're all just people. For those who have begun to feel God's tug at their heart towards adoption and the call to care for the orphan I encourage you to pray about what God would have you do and then obey.  Obedience will bring you blessings beyond belief.  Do not act in fear and do not make excuses, just obey.  Remember- adoption isn't for childless parents or families with a lot of money or things figured out- it's for parentless children.

2. I want to keep a journal of what's happening logistically and spiritually throughout this journey so that looking back the giant puzzle will make sense as an obvious picture.

There are two things that I have not wanted and do not want as a result of writing this blog:

1. I would ask that you don't too harshly judge me.  I know I may say things that sound naive or opinionated or even uncompassionate.  I don't mean to speak ever in judgement or as someone who has it all figured out.  Please realize that I'm just a working mom trying to do her best.  It is very hard and even embarrassing for me to be so open about my feelings, opinions, and actions.  It's embarrassing for me to write about money too.  I wish we just had some huge savings account and we could just magically end up with a baby one day but I don't think that is fare to those who also see finances as an obstacle to adopting.  So, in other words- forgive me if I've ever said anything that struck a wrong chord with you and bare with me as I ramble through this maze.

2. I ask that you don't put me on a pedastool as someone doing some great thing.  I've done nothing except write a blog and fill out some paper work.  I haven't done anything difficult or heroic and I might not ever do so.  I DO appreciate support but please don't praise me- praise God.  If you really knew me you would realize what a mess I really am.  I do however REALLY appreciate the support that has come in the form of encouraging messages or asking about how things are going and listening. I love to hear other people's adoption stories and I really love it when people share with me that God has started to move their hearts towards adoption.

If the readers of this blog could do one thing for us it would be to pray for  us.  Please pray for:

- The safety of Isaiah while he is in his mother's womb.  That she wouldn't smoke, drink, do drugs, take pills.  That she would also seek good medical care and eat well.

- That God would give Isaiah's mother a vision of our family in the same way that he gave me a vision of him.

-That God would guide Sam and I as well as Isaiah's mother to the same agency or person and that no silly agency rules could stop us being matched.

- That God would either help Sam and I to be patient in staying with the agency we are currently with or show us what agency or avenue we should switch to.  Lately I've been wondering if our current agency was just a place holder to keep us from being matched to early or if we just need to be patient.

- That God would provide the remaining balance we need to receive the matching

Grateful Hearts

God has given us so much.  We are so blessed and so grateful.  Despite the tornado path that is our house, the Amazon rain forest that is our yard and the incredible stress we maneuver every day, we have so much in which to be grateful.

            Ashley and I hold a high value on relationships, experience and learning.  We feel like God teaches us the most when we are walking with other people and sharing our lives with them, when we are doing something new and exciting and when we are humbling ourselves to leaa ICU RN, I’ve had my share of days where I just wanted to crawl in a hole and die.

            This adoption journey is no different.  It’s just another chance to see God show up and do amazing things.  He already has and He will continue to do them.  Not because He has to for us or even because He wants to; it’s his Nature.  It’s his Personality.  One of the most amazing things in Scripture to me is that when Moses is frustrated and says but when the people ask me, “Who sent you? What is his Name?”  God said you are to tell them YHWH sent you.  We translate it I AM WHO I AM. He tells Moses to tell the people, “I AM sent you…” Phillip Yancey in The Jesus I Never Knew talks about that statement and then how God fulfills it throughout Scripture.  Yancey describes it as a blank check.  I AM YOUR ROCK, I AM YOUR SHELTER, I AM YOUR PROVIDER, I AM YOUR DELIVERER, I AM YOUR SAVIOR, I AM YOUR DAILY BREAD. I AM __________________.  I AM ALL THAT YOU NEED.  He is the meaning of existing on this earth.  I don’t think God provided because He had to or even because He wanted to (although, I’m pretty certain He enjoyed it), I think He provided because it’s in His nature.  The Jewish people had and have many names for God.  One seems especially appropriate today, Jehovah Jireh, the Lord Will Provide.  This term is first used when Abraham is called to sacrifice Isaac and God provides a ram for the sacrifice instead of Isaac.  It took a lot of faith and trust for Abraham to make that trip; I can’t imagine what was going through his head.  Ashley and I long to do something amazing and different; we don’t want our lives to be explainable without God’s work.  We long to change the world or be a part of something bigger than ourselves – leave a legacy.  It doesn’t start by doing amazing things; it starts by doing ordinary things like saying yes to something big when you don’t know how God is going to answer or how it’s going to end up.  Forget being ready or qualified.  Very few people that we would say are heroes of faith had much to offer to the world.  We miss this sometimes but Jesus picked mostly leftovers as his disciples.  If they were the cream of the crop, they would have been chosen to study with another rabbi.  To be honest, four were backwoods fishermen.

             Ashley and I have what we need, but we aren’t “financially stable.”  We have two cars with over 100,000 miles and 1,000 dents, we have appliances from the last millenium and we have at least 14 loads of laundry that need to be washed. We aren’t “ready” or “able”, just willing.  I pray that we continue to be willing and that you who are following our journey would be willing too.

            We are so grateful to you all who gave; our hearts and lives are overwhelmed with joy in this moment.  We pray that God would provide and bless you in thousands of ways in which you could have never imagined. In other words, we hope that your life isn’t explainable without God’s work in it… - Sam

The stuff that can happen in 15 hours

Yesterday I found myself on the floor weeping and praising God.  In such a small amount of time God showed His "realness" to me so vividly.

As I mentioned in my last post an anonymous donor from our church has offered to give $4,000 towards our adoption costs if we can find friends and family that are willing to give a matching $4,000.  I like lists so I'm going to explain what happened in a pseudo-list form:

- Tuesday night I wrote a post about the need for the match.

- By Wednesday around noon friends and strangers had given $2,025

- Around the same time I get a text from my father in law saying the finished their taxes and were going to donate their $500 tax return.

- As I'm texting him back to thank him I see an email come in and open it and it is from a grant that I applied for saying they are sending a check for $1,000.

- As I am getting ready for the day the phone rings and it is another grant organization saying they are pushing our application ahead (it was supposed to take 6 more weeks to process) and need to ask me some questions.  At this point I'm so overwhelmed with how much is happening so quickly that I just blabbed and blabbed on the phone and probably talked my way out of any financial assistance:)  We won't find out on that one for another 3 weeks.

- Some one from craigslist contacted me about buying an old stroller and I made $30.

So...... what this all means financially is that we only need friends and family to give $1,475 more to be able to receive the matching donation  AND.....

That a little over a week ago the amount we still needed for the adoption was $17,415 AND....

NOW (IF people donate the $1,475) we will only NEED $7,535!!!!! 

What I've learned so far

I've learned a lot of things but a few stick out:

1. God loves each of us SO much.  He loves my future son so much that he would call upon all of His resources at the same time to provide the money to redeem his life.  God loves all of us that much and He paid the ultimate price for all of us when he allowed His son to die for our sins.   Jesus IS alive and He is working.

2. I'm understanding better what the Bible means when it says, "The first shall be last and the last shall be first." (Mat 20:16)  I always thought that it kind of meant that Christians and those that lead sacrificial lives got the raw end of the deal here on earth.  What I have seen through the people that have given is that maybe it means that those who the world see's as being "the last" will be the first to step up and give back to God and others. 

I'd like to give you a profile of the type of people that gave and gave the most:
- The pastor and his wife with three young kids.
- The mother of 9.
- 3 of the daughters of the mother of 9.
- The young family with two kids living in an over priced area and struggling financially as the mom chose to homeschool while also pursuing gradschool.
- The 1 income young family with 4 kids- the dad having medical issues.
- The stranger I've never met.
- The woman I've met once.
- The newlyweds who were the first to give months ago before I ever asked and have committed $50 a month.
- The 1 income homeschooling, college attending, family of 4.

These people have already changed me.  They have been Jesus to me, my family, and my precious baby boy I will someday call Son.  These people have exposed my own selfish heart- the heart that always thinks that "Somebody else is in a better position to give." Because of God's genorosity and love through them I want to be better- more open handed- and to change my thoughts to "Maybe no one else will give."  This is not a message to those that have not given but a "Thank You" to those that have, a "Thank You" to God, and a reminder to myself for the future of the type of person I need to be. 

$4,000 donated IF we can match it.

I have very exciting news.... Sunday at church one of the Elders at our church that I had talked to a couple of months ago about our adoption told me two very exciting things:

1. That they church would allow me to produce to videos about adoption to be shown later this year during National Adoption Month.

2. That someone at the church was anonymously donating $4,000 to our adoption fund IF friends and family would help us raise a matching $4,000!

So now comes the part when I want to throw up in my mouth... Would you all prayerfully consider giving towards this matching gift?  There's a Paypal donation button to the right on our page you can give through.

I want you to know that this is pretty much the most humiliating and awkward thing I can imagine doing because I don't want people to feel like this is their responsibility and to give out of guilt.  However, if adoption is something that you believe in and you would like to be part of it by giving to Isaiah's adoption fund I humbly thank you with all my heart for being part of this story.

P.S. I'll keep a running count here on this page and also on the "fundraising" page at the top.

GOAL $4,000

3/4- $100 given from M & S
3/5 - $50 given from Z & A
3/5 -$100 given from R
3/5 $200 given via blog link from the C family
3/5- $15 from L
3/5- $500 from J&K
3/6- $1,000 given from L & L
3/6 $50 given from T & M
3/6 $10 from C
3/6 $500 form J & W
3/8 $25 from R&K
3/9/ $25 from M&R
3/9 $50 from PF
3/12 $10 from SH
3/12 $20 from the H family
3/12 $200 from the P family
3/13 $500 from K & J
3/14 $50 from M&R
3/14 $50 from JB
3/14 $50 from K

As of 3/14 we need: $495 to receive the match

Super Duper Cool Adoption Resource

This is too neat... Someone awesome told me about this site/ministry called Loving Shepherd Ministries that has an online assessment you fill out and then about a week later they will send suggest what types of adoption might be best for your situation and then give you a list of the agencies that would also be best for you.  Too cool!

This is great because I've had a lot of conversations with people that tell me they would like to adopt but they can't because: their too young, too old, not married, haven't been married long enough, their kids are too young, they have a strange situation... I have a feeling that by using this assessment a lot of those doubts will be assuaged.

I'm kind of bummed out that I'm just now finding out about this because doing the random research on your own is not fun but I am going to continue to trust that we are with the right agency- at least for now.

If you are considering adoption and don't know where to start go here:  http://loving-shepherd.org/sponsor-adoptive-family/adoption-assessment-forms.html