Putting myself out there

This blog has been such an incredible blessing.  It has also been difficult to be so exposed and vulnerable.  I often feel alone and misunderstood because I feel everyone else has it together and I'm just holding it all together with bandaids and stickers.  I want to write about our adoption journey for two main reasons:

1. I want others to feel less alone and less afraid.  Adoption is a scary word to most people and if you tip your toe into it you'll find it is a vast ocean that can quickly make you feel scared and unprepared.  I want you to be able to see where every dollar came from and we're all just people. For those who have begun to feel God's tug at their heart towards adoption and the call to care for the orphan I encourage you to pray about what God would have you do and then obey.  Obedience will bring you blessings beyond belief.  Do not act in fear and do not make excuses, just obey.  Remember- adoption isn't for childless parents or families with a lot of money or things figured out- it's for parentless children.

2. I want to keep a journal of what's happening logistically and spiritually throughout this journey so that looking back the giant puzzle will make sense as an obvious picture.

There are two things that I have not wanted and do not want as a result of writing this blog:

1. I would ask that you don't too harshly judge me.  I know I may say things that sound naive or opinionated or even uncompassionate.  I don't mean to speak ever in judgement or as someone who has it all figured out.  Please realize that I'm just a working mom trying to do her best.  It is very hard and even embarrassing for me to be so open about my feelings, opinions, and actions.  It's embarrassing for me to write about money too.  I wish we just had some huge savings account and we could just magically end up with a baby one day but I don't think that is fare to those who also see finances as an obstacle to adopting.  So, in other words- forgive me if I've ever said anything that struck a wrong chord with you and bare with me as I ramble through this maze.

2. I ask that you don't put me on a pedastool as someone doing some great thing.  I've done nothing except write a blog and fill out some paper work.  I haven't done anything difficult or heroic and I might not ever do so.  I DO appreciate support but please don't praise me- praise God.  If you really knew me you would realize what a mess I really am.  I do however REALLY appreciate the support that has come in the form of encouraging messages or asking about how things are going and listening. I love to hear other people's adoption stories and I really love it when people share with me that God has started to move their hearts towards adoption.

If the readers of this blog could do one thing for us it would be to pray for  us.  Please pray for:

- The safety of Isaiah while he is in his mother's womb.  That she wouldn't smoke, drink, do drugs, take pills.  That she would also seek good medical care and eat well.

- That God would give Isaiah's mother a vision of our family in the same way that he gave me a vision of him.

-That God would guide Sam and I as well as Isaiah's mother to the same agency or person and that no silly agency rules could stop us being matched.

- That God would either help Sam and I to be patient in staying with the agency we are currently with or show us what agency or avenue we should switch to.  Lately I've been wondering if our current agency was just a place holder to keep us from being matched to early or if we just need to be patient.

- That God would provide the remaining balance we need to receive the matching