All Churned Up Inside

Lately I've been feeling all churned up inside about the adoption.  I was feeling at total peace with everything and then.... eeehhhh not so much.  I don't have a bad feeling about it- not one bit.  I LOVE our agency but I'm starting to wonder if it was supposed to be more of a place holder to keep us getting matched before we should.

When I signed on with our agency I did so knowing that they only completed 20 adoptions a year AND that the vast majority were Caucasian adoptions due the agencies location AND that as another agency so kindly put it- not an attractive family for an African American expectant mom to choose.  I chose to go with them anyway because it felt right and to not do so felt very wrong.

So now I have this new feeling that something is going to happen or needs to happen or change.  I can't put my finger on it.  Maybe it's because of the craziness of last week.  Maybe I'm just impatient.  Regardless I've logged quite a few hours on the 'ole intranet researching different agencies and avenues.  Sam feels it would be ok for us to have a plan B we could pursue starting next week but he doesn't want to have a Plan C or D.

With domestic adoption it is not uncommon to cast your net wider by signing with several agencies or avenues.  I did not know this until recently.  To just sign up with another agency would be pretty expensive and risky so unless we find the perfect situation or feel led we probably won't just pick another agency.  I did through the research find two interesting options:

1. Referral Services- I found three different referral services with good reputations.  How these work is that families that have already gotten their homestudy can sign up with a referral service for a very small fee ($100).  The referral services have contacts with attorneys and agencies and so when the agencies and attorneys can't find a home for one the soon to be born babies among their pool of waiting families they then tell the referral service who shares he situations with people that have signed up.  I had no idea this existed and think it sounds very promising as there is such a low up front commitment.  If you're not matched you only lose $100, whereas some agencies ask for as much as $16,000 just to sign on with them!  No way....

2. An adoption lawyer.  The adoption lawyer that I have spoken to is so nice and highly regarded by those who use her but the down side is that you have to pay their hourly fee and so if the adoption ends up falling through you are out all the money you paid them and have to start from zero.  The people I know that used this lawyer swear by the process but it still scares me a bit.

So.... I've written three referral services explaining our situation and asking if they think we would be a  good match and I've also emailed about 5 other agencies that are known for African American adoptions to introduce ourselves and kind of say "Hey, if you can't match one of your situations using the pool of waiting families you have please remember us:)" 

Who knows how this will all turn out.  The deeper I get into this the more confused I get.  Please pray for clarity and direction for Sam and I and that God's will be done.