We broke the $10k mark!

I was able to just put another $100 out our own paycheck into our adoption savings and when I was updating the numbers I saw that we have officially been able to save $10,000 for our adoption.  I am honestly blown away.  To have started at zero in September and felt that $26,000 was such a big number that it made us actually question if we should follow through with God had called us to seems silly now.  I know he will provide the rest.  I don't know how but he will.

I would love to be able to sell a ton of stuff we have and will continue to try.  So far that has been slow and I have only sold very small items but as I mentioned in my last post I think God is really showing me a lot of himself through those little sales.

The money I didn't earn

I have been so blown away how God has worked so far to provide money for the adoption and to encourage me that he is a God that is alive and working.  There is a story in the Bible in which a rich young ruler comes to Jesus and asks what he must do to inherit eternal life.  Jesus tells him that he must sell all he has and give to the poor and then he will have treasure in Heaven and to come follow him.

God is showing me more and more why He said that to the rich man.  I don't think God was trying to just test him or wanting him to become part of some type of socialist utopia where everything is equal.  I believe now that God wanted to bless him and he knew that in order to show his sufficiency and blessings that the man needed to fully depend on God.

I have begun to try to sell anything and everything I have.  Spare 2-3 pieces of sentimental jewelry that my family has given me and our work equipment, I am willing to sell it all.  This is probably because we don't really own anything of value.  I've been trying to sell old equipment, electronics, film cameras, clothes, bread makers, books.... I've tried Amazon, Craigslist, Poshmark, Online Yardsales.... and I've only sold three things.  Each of the things had the least possible value to me and cost the least and yet God has blessed me through them.  The three things:


1. A dress- I sold one dress.  The dress was a dress my mom gave me because it didn't fit her right and although I liked it I paid nothing for it.  A friend from middle school saw it online and instead of paying the $20 I asked for it she sent me $50.

2. A bathroom cabinet.  We had to buy a replacement part for our bathroom sink off of Craigslist last year and the guy we bought it from gave us a random bathroom cabinet for free.  It's been sitting around the house since.  I sold it on Craigslist for $15.  When I went to meet the stranger that wanted it she said her husband was inside {Wendy's} getting change.  While we waited I thanked her and told her we were using the money for our adoption.  When she brought back the money from her husband she gave us an extra $10 and told me that every time she used opened the cabinet she would pray for me.  I asked her to pray for Isaiah.  Forget the money- a complete stranger just committed to praying for my baby boy every time she reached for this cabinet!

3.  I sold a photography book about family portrait posing that was sitting in our closet.  I sold it for $20.  When I went to ship it I used one of the automated postage machines at the post office.  The post office was closing and I had all three kids with me and I remember being hurried.  Two weeks later when I was selling the dress I sold and going through the same process I had the sinking feeling that I had forgotten to write the address on the envelope for the book I had sent!  What an idiot I am!  Seriously, I sent a package with no address or return address. 

Mortified, I emailed the lady who bought and apologized profusely.  Not only was she amazingly kind and understanding but she told me to not refund her and keep the money... for the book she would never receive! I told her I only sold the book in the first place to raise money for the adoption.  She wrote back telling me she had family members that had adopted and that she would be praying for us.

So, after just these small encounters I get it a little more.  God wants us to be willing to sell everything we have to give to the poor not because He needs our money but so he can show us just how amazing He is.  Monetarily, God took the $35 I earned and turned it into $95.  More importantly I know that I am not alone, he brought strangers into my life that encouraged me and committed to praying for us.  God has shown me that He will provide financially but I am even more thankful for the blessing of seeing His character and love at work in others.  I am going to continue to pray that God would help me sell our things AND that I would remember to write the addresses on the packages from now on!

Juggling it all

I've contemplated only talking about adoption on this blog but presently I'm just waiting... In my waiting I've realized I have no patience.  In fact I prayed for patience the other day.  Don't ever say that God doesn't answer prayer.  In the same day I prayed for patience (keep in mind I'm having to homeschool and work):

- I woke up to an exploding dirty diaper.
- Liam painted our cabinets, his clothes, and our floor with white enamel paint.
- I locked the keys in the car while at the museum. Then while in the process of telling AAA where I was located my phone died.  Ten minutes later the museum we were waiting inside closed and we were out in the parking lot for an hour.

The next day:
- Our oven started sparking and caught on fire so bad that we can't keep the stove and oven plugged in without it catching on fire.
- Our vacuum broke in the middle of our Labrador's shedding season and is now in the repair shop for two weeks.
- Our cell phones got shut off (apparently I didn't pay the bill; although I'm certain I did;)
- Liam found gold enamel paint and painted the wall, his clothes, and a bunch of other expensive things that are now ruined (I promise I don't just have paint laying around- this was well hidden and tucked away).
-I found out someone we know died.

On the first day I literally started crying after the exploding diaper (sheets, pillows, stuffed animals...) and paint incident.  By the time I locked my keys in the car I was actually smiling.  The Bible says 

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1: 2-4

Although none of this stuff was earth shattering it was enough to knock me down and remind me that my life isn't about me or my plans.  I have so much going on and so much I want to do.  I have such a hard time finding balance.  How can I live a peaceful and balanced life while still juggling all I've got going on?  I think it's a lie that women can have it "all."  I've had young women tell me they look up to me and how I can work and still be a mom.  I want to shake them and say "No!!!!  Not me, look at someone else.  I'm a mess."  What I'm doing and who I want to be are unfortunately a lot different and I feel like I've created a web I can't get out of.  For anyone thinking I can do it all....this is more how it goes:

What I do:
-Photograph weddings
-Run a wedding photography business
-Run a portrait photography business
-Run a photo booth business
-Partner in creating an iPhone app
-Homeschool 2 kids
-Yell at 3 kids
-Write a blog about adoption
-Fill out adoption paperwork
-Try to sell stuff on craigslist to make money for our adoption (So far I've sold a book:/)
-Make very quick meals
-Watch 8 tv shows a week  
-Read the Bible and pray
-Cut my own hair after researching it for an hour on Pinterest
-Whine
-Stress out about; money, our businesses, mean clients
-Work on the weekends
-Never see my husband- he's working 2 full time jobs (Nurse and photographer) and taking a full load of classes as he pursues another nursing degree
-Go to church on Sundays and a Bible study during the week
-Try to make a crazy plan of how we are going to save enough money to adopt a child and also put Sam through 5 more years of schooling without him having to work the last 3 years of school (he won't be allowed to)

What I don't do:
-80% of the work for the 3 businesses (We are blessed with the most amazing staff)
-Homeschool well
-Clean
-Laundry
-Cook fancy meals
-Be nice to my husband
-Be a good friend  
-Go to play groups and other mommy things
-Have patients with my kids
-Exercise everyday
-Check my blog posts for grammatical errors...can ya tell?

What I want to do:
-Have one or zero jobs.
-Focus on being a good wife and mother.
-Have a clean house.
-Cook wonderful foods.
-Spend time as a family every night and weekend.
-Volunteer as a family more.
-Go on dates with my husband.
-Have a big (clean) house with as many more adopted children as God will give us (as well as our current rug rats of course).
-Not stress out.
-Have a steady paycheck.
-Give like crazy.
-Write thank you notes.
-Invite people to dinner.
-Be a better friend.
-Be peaceful.
-Not have to work every second my kids are asleep.  Rest. Be.
-Be joyful.

Back to patience... I'm learning to be patient and joyfully endure the things that don't go my way without freaking out.  My reality is that right now I have to work and I have to work a lot and that it can be stressful.  I used to work for the hope that it would all someday pay off and I would be enabled to be the sweet-as-pie, care-free stay at home mom I wanted to be.  

I'm starting to realize that this cause and effect belief I've been subconsciously adhering to might not be true.  I may work soooo hard for so long and it may not pay off like I want it to.  I'm starting to give up on the American dream and ask God what his plan for my life is- even if it doesn't involve a big clean house, no stress, and steady paycheck.  All that glitters is not gold and all that is gold does not glitter.