I still wasn't sure.

I contacted Carol's law office the next day.  Susan had "WHOLEHEARTEDLY" recommended her and I felt like I should start with talking with her.  I wanted to hear more about this agency was on her Facebook page and that had touched me with the anonymous quote.  When I called an answering service answered.  I told them I wanted to speak to Carol.  The lady said she was busy and short staffed because of a death in two of her staff member's family and that she couldn't talk to me right them.  I told her I understood and just wanted to schedule a time to talk with her.  The answering lady took down my contact info.

A week passed and nothing.... I decided to email Carol...  Another couple of weeks and still no returned call or email.  I began to grow discouraged.  I wanted to move forward or at least just talk to Carol.  I felt I had been given and invaluable resource and that I should use it.  I started to feel rejected and started doubting.  I didn't understand why the secretary couldn't just email or call me back telling me she was still busy but at least putting a quick phone call on the calendar.

I went to our children's homeschool co-op school one morning feeling especially confused and just wanting a clear answer.  Each Tuesday that our group meets one family from the community gives a family presentation.  On this particular morning the presenting family walked to the front of the room with their three boys....and, a newborn baby girl.  They had just adopted.  As they told their adoption story they mentioned the agency they used.  It was the same agency with the quote.  I got the chills again.  This was a small agency- they only assist in 20 adoptions a year and it is in a random city that isn't where me or the family presenting live.

I went home and called Carol's office one more time.  This time I was told she was out of town and would be gone for a week and would then need another week to call me back... At that point I asked what exactly Carol did- did she help match birth mother's with adoptive mothers? What did she have to do with the agency that was on her Facebook page, with the quote, that the family from our school group had adopted from?  The assistant told me that she provided the legal work but didn't not help with matches.  She told me that the agency was one that Carol had started 20 years ago and that it was "her baby."

I got off the phone and with much nervousness called the adoption agency.  They were so kind.  They asked questions and answered mine.  They told me they only take on 20 birth mother's a year and 20 families wanting to adopt as to not have a large waiting list.  She told me that they presently had room for adopting families.  I asked her about the demographics that they mostly worked with.  She told me the birth mother's and babies were mostly Caucasian but occasionally they had a child of another race born.  I also learned that although it was not a Christian agency that all of the employees and counselors at the agency were Christ followers.  They believed that children were not commodaties adn that it was very important to provide extensive counseling to the birth mothers both before and for years after the birth of their child.  We ended the conversation with her collecting my email and sending me an application.

It all sounded perfect except one thing: We wanted to adopt an African American child and they told me that they had mostly Caucasian babies born. It didn't make sense for us to use this agency.  It would make more sense if we went with a huge agency in a largely African American city were our chances of finding this one specific child were much greater.  However, I had prayed for guidance and clarity with Sam and it certainly seemed that God was leading us to this agency.  If I really believed that God was God then shouldn't I believe that He can complete the work he has started?  Shouldn't I trust Him instead of me trying to control the situation and follow the statistics?

Once again we decided to put our fear aside and move forward.  I opened the email from the agency and found to pdfs of paperwork for us to fill out: One that was 47 pages and one that was 16 pages.  In my next post I'll explain what types of things were in the application.