What happened next.

After Sam and I both agreed that we felt God was leading us to adopt and fears aside that this would be a good thing for our family I wasn't really sure what to do next.

I am a supreme researcher.  If I'm interested in something I research it until I feel confident that I am making the best decision.  Our first decision was what adoption avenue to take.  Months earlier, before I had started having the picture of this little boy pop in my head I had researched types of adoption.  International adoption seemed to make sense.  It seemed less complicated in the sense that you see pictures of these dirty, poverty striken, skinny kids in orphanages and it gives you a sense that you must really be doing something "good." It also seemed that the birth mothers of these children were more ghost like and it would be less complicated knowing you would never worry if they would change their mind or come to America to find their child.

For one reason or another though, once I felt called I felt confident that our son to be would be born in America.  We also decided to pursue newborn adoption for the reasons of not messing with the birth order already established in our family (our children our 6 1/2, 5, and 2).  My pursuit to find an agency or lawyer began.  I had NO idea where to start.  I had no idea how to adopt a child, how much it cost, or what the differences in public, private, or agency adoptions were.  I found some photo listings on sites of children waiting to be adopted.  I found Christian and non-Christian adoption agencies.  Some were huge and had offices around the country and some only saw through 10-20 adoptions a year and were local.

I asked people that had adopted to tell me their agency.  I talked to one friend who had used an adoption lawyer and who seemed to have had a dream situation and process.  I looked at directories and lists.  I would find an agency that looked good but then read a sketchy review about them.  I had two very strong suggestions from women that had just adopted but for some reason I just felt in limbo about the decision.  I wanted to find the little boy so present in my heart and I didn't want to just say eenie-meenie- miney-mo and choose.

I called my mom and told her first that we were going to adopt and about everything that had brought us to that place.  She was so encouraging.  I have the most wonderful mother you could ever imagine.  She sounded excited.  She sounded though she already loved this little baby as much as I did.  What did I do to deserve a mother like this? She listened to me and dreamed with me.  Then, she interupted me several times and told me, "Ashley, I really think you need to talk to Susan S___."  Susan is a wonderful women that goes to the church we attend and that I grew up with.  Growing up I had known she was a lawyer but not an adoption lawyer.  "Ok, great" I said, and then I continued to talk about not knowing where to start or what to do.  She told me again, "Just call Susan."  By this point I thought I should probably talk to Susan.

Later that night I facebook messaged Susan.  Here's how our next few dialogues went (I've removed some names since this was a private conversation and want to consider others privacy):

11:14pm

• "Hi Susan, I wanted to talk to at church today but I got there late must have missed you. My mom said you used to be an adoption lawyer. Is she correct? God has put it on our heart to adopt and I'm trying to figure out the whole process and where to start and any wisdom you could offer to me would be amazing. Thanks so much, Ashley"

At  5:16am the next morning she responds:

• 
  

  
  

  "Ashley indeed I did for years limit my practice to adoption. In terms of where to start I have a somewhat surprising place to send you and that is to a woman I've known for years through homeschooling - her husband works for ___ and his job recently moved them to Arizona. In any event they had 4 children and within the past couple years adopted #5. They have a huge heart for orphans and they are involved in some sort of ministry that helps Christian families connect with babies. God laid her on my heart to connect you two. The next person I would recommend WHOLEHEARTEDLY is a Christian attorney out of (city). There are a lot of people in the adoption world that see it as a business. She loves the Lord and people and she does things right for the right reasons. She loves birth moms and treats them with respect. She is lead by the Holy Spirit - very mature Christian. She's extremely knowledgeable and experienced - was my mentor when I joined the American Academy of Adoption Attorneys (remember that organization - it means a person knows what they are doing - you want someone who is a member to represent you) and the only attorney I know and trust to send someone to for adoption. The Christian Mom is S___  and the Attorney is ___ (for the sake of sparing confusion I'll refer to this attorney as "Carol") - I will try to follllow up with contact 

  info. Carol is in the phone directory for her city - let her know I referred you to her. God bless you!" -Susan
• 8:13am of the same day:

  
  

  
  

  "That would be so wonderful. You are wonderful for getting back me so quickly and caring so much. I feel very much like the Holy Spirit has showed me somethings about the child I'm supposed to adopt and it feels like this baby was conceived in my heart the same time it was actually conceived. I believe I'm supposed to adopt an African American baby boy and have this yearning in my heart like one of my kids is missing from me. I feel like I will sound crazy to most so definitely would find reassurance in talking to a Christian whose sensitive to God's spirit. Thank you again for your help." -Ashley

  
  At this point I waited to see if Susan would get back to me with Carol's contact info.  Then I went back and read the facebook message again and realized that I could just look Carol up.  Since I was already on Facebook I typed Carol's name in the search bar.  Her page was private but on her "info" panel was a few sentences promoting a certain adoption agency (one that I later found out was the agency that she had started twenty years ago).  I noted the agencies name and did a Google search that took me to their homepage.  In all my searches for agencies I had never come accross this one.  At the top of the page in large letters was a quote:
  
  

  

  As I read this I got chills.  It was like I had written the quote.  The words I had written to Susan and the words I had used to convey my feelings to Sam and my family were being echoed back in this quote.  I felt and still feel like this child was conceived or born in my heart.  For the first time in all my searching of adoption sites and interviewing of adoptive parents something felt right....