It doesn't matter how they get here

It's funny the amount of pressure first time mom's put on themselves to have the perfect birthing experience.  As a first time mother you feel as though you need things to go just so in order to have a life time bond with your child.  I can remember being told that my first child, Isabella was breach and I was going to have to have a C-section.  I was devastated and did everything in my power to try to get her to flip including putting a bag of frozen peas on the top of my belly while laying upside down on a slanted ironing board, diving to the bottom of a pool and flipping, and going to a holistic chiropractor to loosen my muscles around my uterus.

I felt like I was going to be less of a mother, like I was being robbed of motherhood in it's purity.  I was an idiot.  In reality the C-section was a breeze and although I only got to see my new baby for a moment before they took her to be cleaned I honestly didn't really care.  I was tired and a bit loopy from the drugs.  With my second daughter, Olive, I didn't see her for six hours because she was premature and they needed to monitor breathing.  I was fine then too.

As each of my three children was born my first response wasn't, "Oh hey there, I know you, so glad we're best friends."  Each time they handed me my new baby I studied them... I didn't know them.  They had lived inside me and made me vomit for nine months but I didn't know them.  I didn't know the sound of their voice, their personalities, or even what they looked like.  My daughters looked hispanic with their full heads of black hair and when my son was born I thought it was so strange that he had blonde hair.  I loved them, but it was a love of instinct and duty, not because I knew them.

It took months of feeding, diapering, and caring for each child before I really knew them.  I love them so much more deeply now than the day they were born.  My point is, for those of you that have never had children and can't imagine loving an adopted baby the way you would love your "own" child (I've grown to hate this phrasing- as if an adopted child is not your "real child" or your "own baby") is that it's not really different.  In both instances you have no idea what the child will actually look like (I know a family where all of the sisters but one look Indian and the oldest has red hair and fair skin), you don't know their personality, you don't know how smart they will be in the future or if a genetic disease will pop up some day.  Love is a choice, it's not genetic and it's not part of the hormonal roller coaster your body goes through during pregnancy and birth.

I already love my future son ever single bit as I love Isabella, Olive, and Liam.  I have no fear of not loving him.  With my first pregnancy, yes, I worried that my child would not be what I expected and I wouldn't feel attached.  With my second pregnancy I worried because I thought there was no way that I could love another child as much as I loved my first.  At this point I have no worries at all.  I know that in the beginning love is a choice and as much as I already love the son we will adopt, I don't know him.  When I first see him and hold him he will feel foreign to me.  However, I know, from experience that choosing to love as we get to know each other and I take care of him will bond us together as it has with me and my other children.  So, please, don't fear love.  God IS love and love is the something he will never fail to provide if you abide in Him.

P.S.  In my experience pregnancy sucks.  This is the best pre-baby experience I've ever had- no puking 20 times a day, no gaining 50 lbs (at least not yet), no raging hormones!