When I told Sam.

I remember telling Sam about the visions of the little boy that I had been having and how strange it was.  I told him how confused I was.  I don't know if I even asked him to pray along with me about why I was having these visions (and by that I mean it was like a very clear picture that kept coming to my mind) because it seemed silly.  After a couple of weeks or so of having this vision I started doing some research on adoption.  I had a sense that maybe that's what it was about.  I started asking my friends who had adopted about their story.  I googled a ton.  I read blog entries from adoptive mothers.  By this point God had broken my heart completely and convinced me that this image I was seeing was to be our son through adoption.

I went to Sam, telling him how I felt- like a child had been conceived in my heart.  That I loved this child already, the very same way I loved our other children.  That my eyes filled with tears when I felt the desperation of not knowing who he was or how to find him.  Sam was surprised to hear me say all of these things since I had always been closed off to adoption as an option for our family.  He told me that he had always been open to it and although he was a little overwhelmed that he would consider it.

For the next week or so Sam and I prayed.  We took a day to fast and pray as a way clear our mind and more importantly to show God that this was serious to us and that we wanted above all else, his will in this huge decision.  Sam expressed his fears with me.  They were the same as mine; mainly that the child would have mental or physical problems due to a mother's drug or alcohol addiction and that we didn't have the funds to complete an adoption.  We decided in the end that fear was a very bad reason to say "No" to something God was calling us to do.

And so Sam said, "Yes, let's do this."  Without persuasion or manipulation, he said "Yes."  I married a good man, a man that seeks God and tries to live out the Gospel and a man that loves me and trusts me.